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Love is not enough...
Typical new stepparents and bioparents (co-parents) usually find that building a
multi-home stepfamily is unexpectedly confusing and conflictual. Most recent stepfamily literature estimates that
over half of American co-parents who attempt re/marriage after divorce or mate death ultimately re/divorce psychologically or legally - despite their love, maturity, commitment, and experience. The "/" notes that it may be a stepparent´s first union.
This unique guidebook
results from 27 years´ research into why so many U.S. couples re/divorce. It appears that there are five factors that combine to often defeat love´s brightest dreams:
-
unseen psychological
wounds from childhood in stepfamily adults and kids, and...
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blocked grief from two or three major sets of losses in some co-parents and/or stepkids; and...
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co-parent unawareness
of (a) their
inner family of subselves
and related psychological wounds; (b) healthy grieving basics; (c) vital parenting and relationship skills and (d) stepfamily
realities; and...
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These factors and high neediness causing one or both partners to commit to wounded, unaware people (mate + ex mate + stepkids), for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time; and...
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Little informed co-parent support available in the media and their community.
My work as a stepfamily therapist since 1981 suggests that courting and re/married partners
can work patiently at 12
Projects together to overcome these five re/marital hazards and forge a strong, nourishing re/marriage. This is the guidebook for Project 8: grow a strong, high-nurturance primary relationship after re/wedding amidst many adjustment tasks, stresses, and conflicts.
The Re/marriage Book is one of a
series of research-based guidebooks for co-parents and supporters that integrate all 150+ articles and many worksheets in the non-profit educational Stepfamily inFormation Web site. The series aims to alert readers to the high risk of re/divorce, and to effective options for preventing it.
What´s Different About This Book?
This
practical modular guidebook is unique among marriage-related
media and programs for six reasons...
-
Is based on
27 years´ full-time stepfamily research and experience, including over 17,000 hours´ direct consultation with over 1,000 average American co-parents and some of their children. No other current re/marital materials propose the five re/marital hazards above, and 12 Projects can use to neutralize them.
And the books in this series are unique because they...
-
Integrate six core concepts:
# proven family-systems principles; and...
# a proposed definition of
high-nurturance families leading to...
# an inner-family concept of human
personalities,
and six common psychological
wounds
that block healthy relationships and hinder effective childcare; and these books propose...
# a framework of
communication
basics, including a series of seven vital thinking and communication
skills, and...
# concepts of
three-level mourning and "pro-grief" families, and how co-parents can spot and free
up blocked grief, and...
# a comprehensive framework of stepfamily basics,
implications, adjustment
tasks, and tools.
Two more uniquenesses:
all the Stepfamily inFormation guidebooks...
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Provide Internet links to over 150 relevant
articles, worksheets,
answers, and
resources to
augment it´s contents; and no other author has...
-
My personality, writing style, training (BSME and
MSW), and 69 years´ life experience (engineering, business,
teaching, and 25 years´ practice of psychotherapy with hundreds of stepfamily clients). My learnings from personal "ACoA" recovery (from a low-nurturance childhood) since 1986 greatly influence this series of divorce-prevention guidebooks. And...
-
I have many years of personal experience as a stepgrandson, adult stepson, remarried stepfather of two girls, and stepbrother of four - and an admirer of two haughty stepcats.
This unique, practical resource book is designed for commited stepfamily partners and their supporters - clergy, clinicians, educators, and family-policy makers. It is the first of its kind to illuminate why so many typical partners re/divorce - and how to prevent that and build an exceptionally strong, healthy primary relationship.
Readers can make best use of this book if they (a) have access to the Internet, and (b) invest in the four prior volumes in this series Table of Contents
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Master Common Stressors Together