Dark In Love

About the Book

The third part of the sequence ‘Immortal Bird’.  The Reverend Fletcher Dark, who was blown out of the window at the Old Rectory on the occasion of the devil lady’s dramatic recall to headquarters, remains as priest in his village.

No longer a threat to Effie and Ophelia, Dark is still indulging his greedy and unpleasant habits, and preaching obnoxious sermons to inattentive and derisive audiences.  The bishop, belatedly alerted to trouble in the lower echelons of his empire, is too busy with his own preoccupations to be bothered with petty parochial matters.

From his dilapidated and unhygienic bomb shelter of a base at the New Rectory, Dark soldiers on, attended by the BBs, a couple of ancient and inarticulate but adoring retainers of dubious gender whom he rescued from the modern equivalent of the poorhouse, and mistreats woefully.  Utterly loyal to Dark, the BBs keep house for him; despite constant threats and insults, they try to ingratiate themselves with him, with disastrous results.

Comforted only by his abuse of the BBs and daily deviant perusal of a stream of inventive hate-mail from his parishioners, Dark is astonished to receive an expensive-looking billet-doux.  Reeking of Parma violets and privilege, it purports to come from a hitherto unknown local aristocrat by the name of Lady Violet Enderby, who allegedly lives at an unfamiliar address-- the Moated Grange.  Violet, in addition to coyly admitting to being an ardent secret admirer of Dark, proposes him as her choice of person to carry out her scheme for the permanent destruction of the Church, and vows to equip him with every means at her disposal to carry this out.

The Church erupts in chaos. As a result of the junior archbishop being caught soliciting in a public place, a chain reaction is set off, with every cleric down to the lowliest curate engaged in an unseemly scramble for position.  Frauds and scandals which had customarily been dealt with behind closed doors are made public to the slavering tabloids, whose revelations grip the nation during a lamentable lack of toe-sucking inventiveness on the part of the royal family.  Numerous senior clergymen are convicted, or take early retirement, or flee for safe havens across the Channel.

As a result of this extraordinary situation, Ophelia, who is presumed to be completely apolitical, is appointed a bishop, apparently as a compromise candidate with unquestioned integrity, who could be relied upon not to ruffle the waters during a period of disharmony unparallelled since the time of Henry the Eighth.  It turns out that Ophelia’s promotion wasn’t fortuitous.  Oliver, the senior archbishop and a bachelor, has had a crush on her ever since he ordained her many years before.  

Rocked by this startling turn of events, Dark is comforted by Lady Enderby, and turns a blind eye to increasing evidence of Violet’s true nature....

About the Author

THE UGLY DUCKLING

by Hans Christian Andersen

It was lovely summer weather in the country, and the golden corn, the green oats, and the haystacks piled up in the meadows looked beautiful. The stork walking about on his long red legs chattered in the Egyptian language, which he had learnt from his mother. The corn-fields and meadows were surrounded by large forests, in the midst of which were deep pools. It was, indeed, delightful to walk about in the country. In a sunny spot stood a pleasant old farm-house close by a deep river, and from the house down to the water side grew great burdock leaves, so high, that under the tallest of them a little child could stand upright.

The spot was as wild as the centre of a thick wood. In this snug retreat sat a duck on her nest, watching for her young brood to hatch; she was beginning to get tired of her task, for the little ones were a long time coming out of their shells, and she seldom had any visitors. The other ducks liked much better to swim about in the river than to climb the slippery banks, and sit under a burdock leaf, to have a gossip with her. At length one shell cracked, and then another, and from each egg came a living creature that lifted its head and cried, "Peep, peep." "Quack, quack," said the mother, and then they all quacked as well as they could, and looked about them on every side at the large green leaves. Their mother allowed them to look as much as they liked, because green is good for the eyes.

"How large the world is," said the young ducks, when they found how much more room they now had than while they were inside the eggshell.

"Do you imagine this is the whole world?" asked the mother; "Wait till you have seen the garden; it stretches far beyond that to the parson's field, but I have never ventured to such a distance. Are you all out?" she continued, rising; "No, I declare, the largest egg lies there still. I wonder how long this is to last, I am quite tired of it;" and she seated herself again on the nest.

"Well, how are you getting on?" asked an old duck, who paid her a visit.

"One egg is not hatched yet," said the duck, "it will not break. But just look at all the others, are they not the prettiest little ducklings you ever saw? They are the image of their father, who is so unkind, he never comes to see."

"Let me see the egg that will not break," said the old duck; "I have no doubt it is a turkey's egg. I was persuaded to hatch some once, and after all my care and trouble with the young ones, they were afraid of the water. I quacked and clucked, but all to no purpose. I could not get them to venture in. Let me look at the egg. Yes, that is a turkey's egg; take my advice, leave it where it is and teach the other children to swim."

"I think I will sit on it a little while longer," said the duck; "as I have sat so long already, a few days will be nothing."

"Please yourself," said the old duck, and she went away.

At last the large egg broke, and a young one crept forth crying, "Peep, peep." It was very large and ugly. The duck stared at it and exclaimed, "It is very large and not at all like the others. I wonder if it really is a turkey. We shall soon find out, however when we go to the water. It must go in, if I have to push it myself."

On the next day the weather was delightful, and the sun shone brightly on the green burdock leaves, so the mother duck took her young brood down to the water, and jumped in with a splash. "Quack, quack," cried she, and one after another the little ducklings jumped in. The water closed over their heads, but they came up again in an instant, and swam about quite prettily with their legs paddling under them as easily as possible, and the ugly duckling was also in the water swimming with them.

"Oh," said the mother, "that is not a turkey; how well he uses his legs, and how upright he holds himself! He is my own child, and he is not so???? ???? ????? ??? ?? ??? ???? ?? ??? ????????? ?????? ?????? ???? ???? ?? ???? ? ???? ???? ??? ???? ????? ???????? ??? ????????? ??? ?? ??? ????????? ??? ??? ???? ???? ????? ?? ?? ?? ??? ??? ?? ??????? ????? ???? ????? ???? ?????? ?? ??? ??????????? ???? ??????? ??? ????????? ????? ??? ? ????? ???????????? ??? ???????? ???? ???????? ??? ?? ????? ????? ?????? ????? ???? ??? ??????? ??? ?? ??? ???? ????? ????????? ???? ?? ??? ??? ?? ??? ??????? ???? ??? ?????? ????? ???????? ??? ????? ??? ??? ????? ???? ????? ??? ????? ???? ???????? ?????? ???? ??? ???? ????? ??? ??? ?? ??? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??????? ??? ???? ??? ???? ????? ???????? ?? ???? ??? ???? ??????? ??? ?? ??? ??????? ???? ?? ???? ???? ??? ??? ??????? ?????? ?????????? ??? ?? ???? ???? ????? ??? ??? ??? ??? ? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??? ???? ????? ?? ????????? ???? ?????? ??? ? ????? ????? ??? ? ????? ?? ????? ???? ????? ??? ?? ??????? ??? ?? ???? ???? ?? ??? ??? ?? ?????????? ???? ?? ??? ??? ?????? ????? ???? ????? ???? ???? ????? ? ????????? ???????? ??????? ??? ???? ???? ?????? ???? ???? ??? ?????? ??? ??????? ?? ???? ???? ??? ???? ???? ????? ??? ??? ?????????????? ????????? ??? ?? ???? ???? ???? ??? ??? ????? ???? ??????? ??? ????? ?????? ???? ????? ??????? ?????? ?? ?? ????? ???? ??? ?????? ?? ?? ???????? ??? ???? ? ????? ??????? ?????? ??? ?? ???? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??? ?????? ??? ???? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??? ?? ??? ??????????? ??? ??????? ???? ??? ??????? ??? ?? ??? ????? ??? ????????????? ??? ?? ?? ?? ??? ??? ?????? ???? ??? ???????? ???? ???? ????????? ?? ???? ?? ?????? ??????????? ?????? ??? ???? ?????? ?????????? ???? ??? ??? ????? ???? ??? ??? ?? ??? ???? ???? ??? ???? ???? ? ???? ??? ?????? ????? ??????? ??? ? ??????????????? ?? ??????????? ???? ??????? ??????? ??? ??????? ??? ?? ??? ??????? ??? ?? ??? ? ???? ???? ???????????? ??? ????? ?? ???? ?? ???? ?????? ???? ??? ??????? ? ????? ?? ???? ???? ?? ??????? ??? ??????? ?? ???????? ?? ??? ???????? ??? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??? ????????? ??? ?????? ?? ??? ???????? ???????? ??? ???? ??? ??????? ??? ???? ??? ???????? ??? ????????? ??????? ??? ?? ? ?????? ??? ????????? ??? ?? ?? ???? ???????????? ? ????? ?? ???? ???? ?? ??????? ??? ???? ?? ???? ???? ?? ??????????????? ????? ????????? ??? ???????? ???????? ???? ??? ??? ????? ???? ???? ???????? ?? ????? ??? ?? ??? ??? ???? ?? ????? ????? ??? ??? ????? ?? ?? ???? ??? ?? ???? ???? ?????????? ???????????? ??? ??? ???? ????????? ??? ??? ????? ??? ?? ??? ????? ???? ?? ???? ??? ?????? ?? ????? ??? ?????? ??? ?????? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ???? ?? ??? ?????? ??? ?? ??? ??? ???????? ??? ?? ??? ????? ???? ??? ????? ??? ??? ?????? ????? ??? ??? ???? ???? ???? ??? ????? ???? ?????? ??? ??????? ??????? ?????? ?? ???????? ?????? ??????? ??? ???? ? ?????? ?? ???? ????? ??? ???? ?? ??? ????????? ??? ?????? ????? ??? ?? ??? ???? ???? ???????? ?? ???? ??? ???? ?????? ????? ??? ??? ???? ????? ?? ??? ??? ??? ????? ????????? ??????? ?? ??? ?? ???? ??? ??????? ?? ?? ??? ????? ????????? ???? ?? ???? ?? ???? ??? ?? ??? ???? ?? ??? ????? ??? ?????? ??? ???? ???????? ??? ?????? ????? ?? ????? ???? ???? ??? ???????? ??? ??????? ???? ?????? ?? ???? ??? ????? ???? ???? ??? ???? ????????? ? ???? ??? ??? ????? ??? ????? ??? ??? ?????? ???? ??? ?????? ?? ??? ????? ???? ????? ??? ????? ?????? ???? ??? ???????? ???? ???? ??? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ???? ??? ????? ?? ?? ???? ?? ??? ????? ??????????? ??? ?????? ????? ?? ??? ????? ?? ?? ???? ???? ??? ??????????????? ??? ?????? ?? ?? ??????? ? ?? ?????? ?? ????? ?? ?? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ???? ????? ???????? ????? ?? ???? ??? ?? ? ????? ????? ????????? ?? ???? ?????? ???? ?? ???????? ??? ????? ?????? ??????? ???? ????? ??? ?????????????? ??? ???????? ???? ??? ???? ????? ???? ?? ??? ???? ???? ?????? ?? ????? ??? ???????? ????? ???? ?? ? ???? ??? ????? ???? ??? ????? ?????? ????? ???????? ????? ?? ????? ??? ??? ?? ?????? ?? ?? ????? ??? ??? ?? ??? ??? ????? ?? ????? ???stion. "You are exceedingly ugly," said the wild ducks, "but that will not matter if you do not want to marry one of our family." Poor thing! he had n