Loving An Ex-Offender

About the Book

THE BEDROOM Making love is an area that can make or break a relationship if the two people who are making love are not on the same page. For the woman whose sexual expectations of their soon to released ex-offender may be high (especially of the ex-offender who has taken care of his body while incarcerated), don’t be alarmed if you don’t experience fireworks during your first, second or even your third attempt at lovemaking. Reading this book will help you to understand that an ex-offender may not get it up during the first attempt at lovemaking, especially if he has been incarcerated for years. If this happens, don’t be alarmed, just remember that ex-offenders sometimes spend years incarcerated, and in order to appease their sexual appetite, they masturbate. And the pressure on the penis from masturbating (using one’s hands for sexual gratification), and having heterosexual intercourse is entirely different. A week after I was released from prison (after spending 19 years), I attempted to have sex with a female partner that turned out to be a disaster for me, and I’m sure for her. No matter how hard (no pun intended) I tried, I could not get it up! At first I was in denial, thinking, no, it could not possibly be me. But it was me. After several more attempts at lovemaking, my friend suggested that I talk to a doctor, who suggested a sexual supplement to enhance sexual performance. The supplement made a difference, and I still use the sexual supplement, although rarely, because I don’t think I need it; however, I never leave home without it. Another important aspect of ‘In the Bedroom’, deals with sleeping with an ex-offender. Sounds simple enough on the surface; however, trying to sleep with an ex-offender who has been incarcerated for years can be a very traumatic experience. Why? Because, incarcerated men usually sleep two to a cell (when they’re not sleeping in a dorm). And, although an ex-offender may have slept in a double cell with a cell mate for years, he still slept in a single, bunk bed, where intimacy with another man is unheard of, unless there is mutual consent. Therefore, if a newly released ex-offender is spending the first night with you, ladies, be careful how you approach him while he’s sleeping, because he won’t be used to the affection or intimacy in bed, and may lash out you, unconsciously. In essence, ladies, you may not want to spoon your ex-offender while he’s sleeping until you both are comfortable sleeping together. Example: Several weeks after my release, my friend tried to spoon me in the middle of the night; something that I was not used to, and I turned to her, and (unconsciously), punched her in the mouth (I actually pulled the punch). I hit her because I was not used to the affection, and intimacy of another person touching me. And I reacted instinctively, the way one who has been incarcerated for years would react. In essence, ex-offenders who are incarcerated for years sometimes incorporate aspects of prison into their character, and take those incorporated aspects of prison with them when they are released, and act accordingly. Therefore, it is crucial for an ex-offender (and partner) to have a patient, understanding, and, an informed partner, if the ex-offender and partner are to have a successful, sexual relationship. Another aspect of intimacy that will enhance a sexual relationship between an ex-offender and partner is communicating; indulging each other’s fantasies. If an ex-offender has not been intimate with a woman for years, then his fantasies may be off the chain. While having sex with you, he may introduce a move or two that may be surprising, but it may also suggest that he’d like you to try what he’s eluding to; however he may not have the courage to ask you to try it. If you suspect this, and you’re in sync with him, then follow his moves. If you don’t understand, explore, and ask him if he’d like to share his fantasies; tell him about your own fantasies, then buy

About the Author

Born in Spartenberg SC in 1948, raised inpart in Bedford Styvesant (where the Bishops, Chaplins, and Corsairs ruled), Mr. Ritch now calls Baltimore, home.