Insane Euphoria Speaks

About the Book

Insane Euphoria Speaks: Diary of a Late Pregnancy is one woman’s account of her third pregnancy from May 1971 through March 1972. When she first suspects that she is pregnant, she wonders what her husband’s reaction might be. Should she or should she not have a third child? In her deepest self, she feels that she would like the profound natural happiness of being pregnant once again. At the same time, she wonders if she and her husband have both the emotional and financial resources to provide for a third child. The narrator tries to balance the anticipated euphoria of the experience against the very substantial demands of a third child. This will be the last pregnancy because she will be thirty-nine years old in two months. The positive side is that she is emotionally and psychologically ready for the experience and expects that she can make it into something more wonderful than her first two pregnancies had been. She served her motherhood apprenticeship with her first two children, and the third time around, she can appreciate her hard-won expertise. She realizes that she will be able to enjoy a mastery of the motherhood experience akin to the professional mastery she enjoyed before motherhood. An added plus to the third pregnancy is that she will be able to keep a journal, something she wanted to do with her first two pregnancies but was never sufficiently in control to do so. Her decision to continue the pregnancy is supported by her husband’s enormous happiness at the prospect of a third child. The narrator records both the resources and the limitations of her current situation. She wants the pregnancy to be a beautiful experience and contain all that her previous two pregnancies lacked. She feels she knows what to expect from the experience, and this makes a significant difference. She likes the house where she lives and is grateful for the view of the hill and field across the street from her living room window. This is her relaxing view, her contact with nature and the eternal. The limitations of her situation are the lack of any household or babysitting help and the resulting acute need for some private time to herself. Having been an independent professional woman before she had children, she finds being a full-time at-home mother and an economic dependent a limiting and, sometimes, demeaning experience. There are fluctuations in her relationship with her husband and negotiations about power and money in their everyday life. The relationship is tugged one way by his wanting her to go back to work and the other way by her wanting him to expand his professional practice. The narrator tries to keep anything from marring the enjoyment of her third and final pregnancy. She wants to experience all the pleasure possible. She finds this a time of psychic integration where the discordant elements of her personality are integrated and present more and deeper meaning than she had previously known. The baby moves for the first time, she witnesses her two-year-old learn to talk, and her three-year-old start nursery school. His family, her family, and their friends form a chorus in the background. She experiences increasing dreaminess while she enjoys keeping a journal and, at one point, rereading some of her earlier journals. In the end, it culminates in the birth of a beautiful healthy baby girl.

About the Author

Katherine Murphy Dickson was born and raised in Boston, where she graduated from Simmons College. Her first diary at age fifteen began her lifelong fascination with journals. Throughout graduate school, a career in professional librarianship, marriage, birthing, and raising three children, the journal has been the intact line of her life. She lives on the Eastern Shore of Maryland with her husband, William.