Blinded by False Love

YOU BROKE MY HEART AGAIN? Monday 5/10/2004 Upon arriving home from a very long day of work. Finally, I had received a letter from him. I had not heard from Curtis in over a week. Not since the 1st and 2nd of this month. As I began to read the letter, the news was not good. It was devastating, all I could think was “no, no, not again”. Here we were just 13 days away from his release date. All I could think about at this moment was how we met, and how he romanced me with his words through letters and visits. Curtis said, “it’s me again”. I thought to myself, who? Do I know you? What was he talking about? Okay, I’ve had enough now. Let me write him back and tell him where he can go and how to get there as fast as he could. As the letters continued to flood my mailbox non-stop daily. Sweet words that any ears would love to hear. Smile. I became intrigued and more interested in finding out what Curtis was all about. I yearned to know more about him. It was Father’s Day, June 2001, our first of many visits. A week later, the proposal came along with thousands of lies. He even got down on one knee. Curtis and I was so happy and elated. I was smiling all during the visit, as I was just on cloud nine. So, now a wedding to plan. He would send me the application and all the information, I needed to fill it out and what was needed for the wedding. True enough it was to be a prison wedding, inside the visiting facility. I was happy that we could deviate from the dress code a little. As Curtis’s favorite color was powder blue, so the hunt was on for a dress in that color. Saturday 12/8/01 5:00 AM Our Day is here The butterflies are buzzing around in my stomach. Hands are shaking as I prepare for the drive to the prison to see my soon to be husband. It’s raining today, so the roads will be wet, so I must leave extra early to allow myself time to get there. OMG. It’s about to go down. We’re getting married. Something that we both wanted and couldn’t wait for. We both desired and deserved this. We both were smiling like two movie stars. Posing for the cameras. Curtis was looking more handsome as ever. I just loved him so much. Or vows were simple. Our wedding date was embedded in my heart and on his left shoulder. “I Already Have Chelsey, 12-08-01”. Now this was love. Smile. Real true love. Although we were apart this evening, I still felt very close to him. I yearned for him. For his touch, his kiss. Yet I was still happy and still smiling all night alone, because spiritually he was with me, and making love to me on our special night. Thursday 1/10/02 4:00 PM The honeymoon was over before it began. I’ve started this New Year as a newlywed in despair. If this is a dream, I pray for someone to wake me up. For I’m having the worst nightmare of my life. As I received some terrible news, I’m in disbelief that what is happening is truly happening. There would be no consummation of our marriage anytime soon. I received a letter from my new husband, stating that our request for first family visit, which would’ve been the only the first of many more to come, had been denied. I continued to visit with him twice a week. Thursdays and Sundays only, as I worked on Saturdays. This was a routine, that I looked forward to every week. Spending time with my new husband was the joy of my life. Love, is this relationship true love? I have asked myself this question often lately. For I know what I’m feeling. Yet is it love? I’m beginning to have doubts. I’m in love with Curtis. He’s so deeply embedded in my heart. I fell so quickly, as in a blink of an eye. Love struck me like a tidal wave. I will embrace it and all that comes with it. Way before 5/23/04, there were so many red flags. So many little coincidences that I didn’t question, because I was ‘so in love” with a man who claimed to love me. I should have known from the way you got my pictures and letter, that there was no way that you could fall in love before we ever met, face to face. He got me, hook, line, and sinker. Let’s start with that picture you claimed to have accidently sent to me, in a letter of your ex. With her supposedly asking you if I was going to take care of you like she did by sending you $100 every month and packages etc. Yet I let it go, let it slide. That letter explaining your time along with a falsified appeal document. And the cost of the wedding, $200? Be real, how he going to charge us $200 and another couple only $20. Why would he get into more trouble and mess up not only our chances of ever having family visits, yet get our visits taken away for 1 year and then non-contact for 2 more years. And he’s supposedly getting released in 2003? I get it now. He never intended to be with me intimately. He didn’t really love me. He only loved what I could and would do for him.